It does not get easier, you would think it would, or at least it is supposed to the more you do it. I say often to myself when I am tackling something hard with one of my daughters that this is not my first rodeo but in a way isn’t each rodeo different when you have a different horse? Enough with the rodeo analogy, but I am learning just because I have done something before does not make me an expert.
I just left my youngest crying at her preschool. The same preschool that she has loved for the last two months. Something made her sad last time she was there and she has not gotten over it. The easy thing would be to let her stay at home. Preschool for me has never been about necessity but more for my child to grow socially and for me to have a small break.
letting her stay home would be giving into her fears. I do not want my little one to be afraid of things that she once loved. It sucks. I would much rather cuddle her for hours and tell her that she never has to do anything hard in her entire life. It’s obvious that that’s not a good idea.
I look at my life though, am I doing enough hard things on a daily basis? I tend to do whats easiest or the least amount of something. So many things need to be done in my house and I find myself putting them off daily. Only doing the smallest amount as possible. Washing the clothes but never putting them away. Never deep cleaning the floor that is just getting grosser by the minute. Letting the dishes pile up so high that it seems too unrealistic to ever have an empty sink again.
I have something I really want to do eating away at me. It is crazy and lofty and oh so appealing. it monopolizes my day dreams and makes me happy to think about, but I am not getting closer to actually doing it because of fear, rejection, laziness, I don’t know. My biggest obstacle is myself. I have always been a huge believer of putting yourself out there. You can not get any opportunities if you do not try. I know that standing still never gets you anywhere. Then what is my problem?
I have the passion and desire. I am lacking the ambition. everything takes work and it just all seems too hard. I think I need to look at what I am trying to teach my children and start acting on that. I should be working on being the type of person I want my kids to be. Much easier said then done, but a lot to think about none the less.